A Two

I am a bit of a "Two" on the Enneagram.  What is that?  In short, I tend to freak out when I am not needed.  When I let it go, then I smile at my silliness, and am fine.  The first summer that I realized the monastery did not really need me, I was restless and irritable a lot of the time.  "They have no use for me!"  "They don't care."  "I am not important.  I am a nobody."  I got over it, but not right away.  It was a gift to have time to pursue what other things God might have in store for me at the monastery.  Whenever I think that a parish where I live has no need of me, I think about leaving and going elsewhere.  "I am leaving this parish.  They don't really need me."  Then a friend talks me into staying.  It is really about becoming enlightened, letting go of this need, that is really a band aide to some inner baggage, and seeing that a door closed and another opened.  But don't stop reading my blogs, or else.

Damaged Goods

Surgery over.  I am damaged goods now.  I was thinking that I would go into this parish dinner/dance/fundraiser tomorrow night amidst all these people who are so elegantly dressed up.  Will I see myself as "damaged goods?" No.  On the outside, yes, I am the duckling among swans.  But in some ways we are all damaged goods just from growing up and living life.  The outside elegant and beautiful look does not change history.  Some of the people at this event were ridiculed in school, or bullied, or thought they did not fit in.  Some may have had a parent or other relative who was too critical and unkind.  Some had their hearts broken in love, or got badly treated in a job, or married a disaster.  Stuff happens.  We all share some good inside of ourselves.  We have Godness from our Creator.  So I will live out the evening sharing from my insides and not spend time thinking about me.  Now I might tell everyone that I am dying from cancer, and that they should bid for a dinner with "Father" because it will be a Last Supper for me.  Now that would be a fib, I hope, but the money is for a good cause.  Were my sister Maureen here she would simply say I am a monster who is just now showing monster on the outside, plus I will burn for lying.   I won't think about her at the party.

MOHS

This morning, maybe as you read this, I am having my face cup up to remove skin cancer.  It is supposed to be the "good" cancer, but still, I will be chopped up and then stitched up.  I will look like Frankenstein.  Then two days later I will attend a big parish/school function, called "Mayfair," to raise money for the school. Everyone will be looking their best, except me.  I am supposed to be raffled off for a "Dinner with Father."  I don't think anyone will bid on Frankenstein.  Now some of this is vanity or delusion on my part, so it is a chance for spiritual growth.  Vanity says I used to look good and attractive.  This could be delusional as well.  So I will smile, be pleasant, engage whoever talks to me, and just let go if people look away or talk about me when I am not in their presence.  The good news is that my face will be cancer free again.  The bad news is that I won't be raising any money for the school this year.  Frankenstein always eats alone, or with blind people.

Frankenstein

Please pray for me.  Tomorrow I get my face chopped up to remove cancer.  Then stitches.  Someone named Boris said he was a surgeon and would do the procedure.  His assistant is named Igor. This did not sound too good.  So I am going elsewhere.

Sacred Cup

For about the first twelve centuries of my church religion, it was considered an abuse, bad form, to NOT drink from the consecrated blood in the cup when going to communion.  It was the norm to eat and drink at communion.  Then stuff happens.  We began to emphasize seeing and adoring the "Eucharist."  But you could see the host, the bread, but you could not see the wine because it was in the cup.  Elevation of the host began in the thirteenth century.  The cup did not get elevated for three more centuries.  The plague came along too.  Hardly anyone was going to communion and if you did, the cup was not offered.  In 1415 the cup was refused to laity.  The Eastern Rite kept the ancient traditions right up to today.  So you see, church changes, at least the Western church of which most Catholics are in this country.  Vatican II Council in 1960s tried to restore the cup.  In some places it is still on life support as a practice.

Sundaes

As the story goes, a minister went into a parishioners soda shop in the late 19th century, and ordered a dish of ice cream. It was a Sunday. On a whim he put a cherry on top and poured some cherry syrup on the ice cream.  He decided to call it a "Cherry Sunday," since it was Sunday when he made this concoction.  Flavors got added over time, but then the name changed to Sundae, from Sunday.  The word, "Sunday," like the word, "Sabbath," has religious connotations. We have a growing history of attempts to be rid of religious connotations in our country.  This is just one of them.  I think I will ask for an "Chocolate Ice Cream Sabbath," the next time I go to the ice cream store!

Me Before You

In Jo Jo Moyes' best selling novel, "Me Before You," Will Traynor is a paraplegic in a wheelchair.  He once was very active and self-willed.  Now he can do nothing without help.  He wants to die so he sets up an appointment with a clinic that will do the job for him, since he cannot even seem to kill himself.  Along comes a new caretaker, Louise Clark, who grew up in a much smaller and less wealthy world than Will.  Love happens. Will is being somewhat transformed.  He still wants to die, but now he has another reason.  It is so that Lou will have a much better life, a fuller life, without him around.  She disagrees.  What will happen?  Well you have to read the book.  Would Will be undergoing assists suicide, with all our judgments about that process for the person?  Remember that Jesus said he came to die, and even suffer.  He did not try and avoid it.  Plus, he told his disciples that things would be better for them, whom he loved, if he were killed.  He did not kill himself.  Pilate supplied that for him.  Pilate "assisted" in God's plan for our salvation, so we Christians believe.  Jesus and Will are on their path, out of love for an other or others.  Neither planned to kill themselves.  Will's death would be seen as assisted suicide.  Bad. Bad.  Jesus is seen as saving the world.  Good. Good.  I am more than Grateful for Jesus doing what he did.  I am not so absolutely condemning of Will.  I may not agree with his choice but life, and death can be complicated.  What do you think?  Oh, the book will be a movie this summer.  Bring the hankies.