Travel Light

Some of us try to travel light when going on a flight somewhere.  We find that carrying a lot of luggage is more of a burden than it is worth.  This is OK for outside stuff, but how much inside stuff do we burden ourselves as we go about our day or on a trip somewhere?  How much resentment, fear, anxiety, distrust, anger, self-pity and bondage to self do we carry around with us?  For me, every morning, and a checkup during the day, I have to ask how much inside stuff am I dragging about with me.  I might start out the day OK, lightly packed on the insides, but then without really noticing it, I burden myself with all the list of stuff I mentioned.  I have to stop now and again in the day, and unpack and give myself a good talking too before or right after I make a mess of things.  How about you? Gate-check time.

Samuel

There is this kid in Hebrew Scriptures, First Book of Samuel, if you are looking, and in his sleep he hears God calling him.  OK. Kids have lots of imagination.  But when he wakes up, his opening comment or prayer is, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”  How did this boy learn such a prayer.  I never learned to pray this way when I was a child.  I learned word prayers.  God was supposed to do the listening.  I learned to ask for stuff, say thank you, praise, but it was all my words and thoughts.  Plus I never thought of myself as “servant” of God.  God was supposed to serve me.  No wonder I had such a shallow spiritual life.  I think the prayer way I was taught was good enough for starters.  But why not trust that children can learn to stop paying attention to their minds, their agenda, and just listen without becoming all antsy?  Maybe less sugar and plastic products wrapping their food.  Who knows.  It is not so hard for me to stop talking about my agenda, but much harder to stop thinking about my agenda while someone else might want to talk.  I work on it. Keeping my mouth shut does not mean I am listening.  But I try on a daily basis.  Release from bondage to self is all I say many a time in my meditation.

Inconvenience

Being responsible is generally inconvenient.  It usually means I have to step up and do things I would prefer not to do.  Like what?  Well, a person walks into your group of buddies.  The person is a newcomer.  If I am one of the regulars at the meeting, I prefer to talk to my buddies.  But the group says it is open to new members and is supposed to welcome new people and take time to talk to new people and be helpful.  If no one talks more then a hello and welcome or a smile, handshake and the person leaves to never come back again, who is a fault?  Me.  And that is when being responsible is inconvenient.  I have seen this ignoring or barely civil behavior at many a gathering in churches and other so called “spiritual centers.”  If I go into a new place, and don’t have on my clerical dress/priest collar, I am pretty much ignored.  Then again, in some groups, if I do walk in with my collar on I am ignored.  Strangers are an inconvenience.  I need to step up my game.

The Sleep Of Death`

I pray to my Mom.  She is dead.  But not so dead that she does not watch for me and be concerned for me.  I am a simple soul and I like the wisdom saying, “I sleep, but my heart watches.”  When I get into one of my “poor me” moods, I think, God does not care.  God is sleeping.  So what, says the wisdom saying.  God is still on watch for me.  A loving parent might go to bed and sleep while their teen daughter is out on a date or with friends.  But the parent still watches and awakes when the child comes home.  Shepherds sleep but still keep watch over the sheep.  The Bible calls God a Shepherd.  That’s how shepherds are, sleeping but watching.  Death is often called a sleep in spiritual circles.  This is why loved ones, “sleep, but their heart watches.”  Hi, Mom!

Dirt

The word “Adam” as in Adam and Eve, means Man.  And the word “Adamah” means soil, or dirt.  So there is a very close connection between being human and being dirt.  When you say, “I feel like dirt,” I might ask if you mean you feel like good dirt or bad dirt?  Anyway, we are always dirt according to the creation story.  Dirt can be alive to growth, and it becomes good/better dirt to the extent that it is nourished.  So when we are more selfless, compassionate, caring for others we are good dirt and something in us is growing that is fruitful.  If we are all about ourselves in a self-centered way, then that might be bad dirt in which not much good can grow.  To keep me in some humility when I am doing wonderful things, as others might tell me, I remember that yes, I am still dirt, but good dirt.  At times, I am amazed at what this good dirt or a human being can do!

You Could Not

Some people say, “I wish I did things differently back then.”  But if you are influenced by an addiction, you could not do things any differently than you did them in the past.  Addiction controlled your actions.  It is the nature of addictions.  It could be work, or food or drug or sex or internet, but whatever, it controlled your behavior.  I think the answer to the past, when you finally get into some recovery, is acceptance.  The past is done.  The present and future depend on the active effort at a spiritual solution.  The core of a spiritual solution is that you are no longer the center of your world.  When life and thinking was all about you, your goals, wants, fear, and attractions, it is called “bondage to self.”  The past was the best you could do in a bondage to self.  I try not to use up energy or time fantasizing about a different past.  It is just more escape from the work that needs to be done in the now.  You are not dead.  Use the gift of today.

Leaving Church

When someone belongs to a church it can be a way that they feel a sense of belonging and attachments.  “This is my church,” or “This is my parish,” they might say.  They identify as “Catholic” in my circles.  But what happens when they leave that church over bad behavior by officials?  They lose a sense of attachment.  Their institution of church was a place for them.  They have lost place and it is not re-placed.  When someone says, “I don’t believe anymore” it is less about doctrine or creed and more about the loss of attachment, the sense of belonging.  The grief in moving on or away from, is the sense of no longing belonging.  Unless we can find something else, something communal to belong to, loneliness and stunted growth can easily set in.  Drugs, drink, sex, gyms, geographic moves, job, will not fill the hole.  I like to hang around the periphery of things and places.  It is where I might run into such searchers, even if they are not aware of their search.  I have been a “detached one.”  It is a daily effort to stay connected.