More For The One Who Sees

Think of those magi going into the house where Jesus lived after their long journey following a celestial light.  Great expectations!  What do they see?  A kid, with a peasant mom and a working class carpenter.  Not much, huh?  I guess it depends on how you see.  Lots of times, I think there isn’t much in a situation or even in my own life.  That feeling, “I am not much.”  Life seems pointless, drab, so so.  But there is always more if we can get beneath seeing with the physical eye, and initial feelings.  I find that getting “out of myself” as some say, as in meditation, or a meandering walk, or helping another person, does give me a deeper view of what is going on.  Sharing my ‘Nothingness” can give me new sight as to my value and the sense of worth about life around me.  I guess the magi had the same experience, as they shared their gifts.  We all have gifts.

Crossroad

I once was at a crossroad of two streets.  One was darkness and the other was despair.  I was lost and without a map.  There was no google map at that time.  The darkness confused any direction and the despair sucked my energy.  My life was in ruins.  Trying to think about anything seemed fruitless since my thinking had gotten me to this crossroad.  So I stopped thinking about me, a first.  This was a gift, to not think about me.  So now what?  Well, instead of focusing on my mind and my thoughts, jumbled and constant as they were, I had the inspiration to notice I was breathing.  I did not think about breathing.  I simple noticed it, one breath at a time.  Then came gift #2.  I noticed that there was something else of me besides my thoughts.  I was not just my thoughts.  Well what else was there?  A kind of peace and a hunger for being, enjoying that part of me that was not my thoughts.  I fell into an acceptance and comfort in this breathing calmness not focused on my thoughts  Life was not all darkness and despair and I was not only my thoughts.  I had discovered the presence of a More, and it was Me, or calling me to be this Me.  After I rested in this discovery, I did the next right thing and that is why I am here today typing out this blog one breath at a time.

The Light

Sometimes I feel like a black hole as in universe stuff.  A black hole is where gravity is so strong that light cannot escape from the star.  The star is invisible but it exists.  The black hole me is when I have light but am so turned into myself, so self-centered, that I cannot let me light shine for others.  I cannot be of some service or love.  Sometimes, I am like a planet.  A planet has no light of its own.  It is lit by light from elsewhere, a star, like our sun.  The planet me is lit by the love of a friend.  I may feel I am just spinning my life around and they light up my life with their love.  Remember the song, “You light up my life.”  (Quiz: who sang it?).  Then sometimes I am like a bright star.  I shine my light and my warmth onto others.  I have a spiritual process or steps to help take me from black hole to star.  And I have friends along the way, who help me with their light.  Become a star.

Thoughtful Kindness

Sometimes, people can be a bit overwhelming with their kindness.  This is not always a good thing.  For instance, if you see a person who looks down and out, their hands shaking, and they ask or you offer them a cup of coffee, don’t overwhelm the person with a full cup.  Why?  Because they are shaking and could spill hot coffee over themselves and onto the floor.  Give them a half cup.  Being thoughtful sometimes means that we do good by half.  Kindness is not meant to make us feel better.  It is in service to the other person.  Less can be more, or at least enough.

1917

The Academy Awards, that is the Oscars, will happen soon.  I love the Red Carpet venue the best.  I think that the movie "1917" is going to win best picture.  It has some gruesome scenes, but it is worth seeing, and on the big screen.  I mean it is a World War.  Two guys are given the task of bringing a message to a group of soldiers far across the battle zones, to tell them that they are about to be ambushed.  One soldier says it is a waste, being too dangerous and impossible to get through all the enemy lines.  The other fellow presses on.  The doubter's life is saved by his companion, and this changes him.  He becomes all in, even after his friend is killed.  Alone, he pushes on until...go see the movie.  My point is that when someone is willing to put himself in danger's way to save you, it can transform you from a doubter, or self-serving person, or a fear-based person, into someone who would give their life for another.  Sometimes you are not even aware that you are loving.  You are just putting one foot in  front of the other.  Extraordinary things can happen. I mean the guy went over the waterfall and into the raging river.  And the movie is a true story.

Questions

I prefer a theology of questions rather than of answers.  Too many of us want our religions to make us safe and secure with the “right” answers.  There is little challenge for me to grow in such a situation.  I don’t think that Jesus or Buddha or other great spiritual adepts were much about answers.  People are always asking about the “right” way to meditate, and what is enlightenment as if it had an answer.  Read the sermon on the mount and see that it leaves one with a lot of questions that don’t get answered by Jesus.  “Come follow me,” and “The Kingdom is in your midst,” leaves out a lot of security and certainty.  Whenever one gets close to the answer, if there is one, I think they become fire rather than secure and safe.  Truth consumes me, but does not make me comfortable.  Mediation leaves me with much to do and ponder in humility, and courage, whereas going to mass on Sunday is a check off on the to do list of things that will make me feel better about being “religious.”

Lapsed But Listening

I seem to have some appeal to people who used to be with some religious practice, have stopped, thus called lapsed, but are still listening.  To what or why?  Well, they wee not being spiritually fed from their perspective, but they know that they have a hunger for more than just not practicing.  I think recovery programs have a lot of lapsed but listening people.  Their religion as they knew it did not help them in their addiction.  But they sense that they need more than just abstinence from whatever was killing them or destroying their life.  I might be a bad priest for sometimes thinking outside the box, and be that as it might, but it is my spirituality at this time, and I hope I serve a useful purpose to someone(s). I serve the “lapsed but listening.”