Depression

 Yes, one can get depressed inside a monastery.  I have found it so from time to time.  I used to think that I was doing something wrong or that I was sick.  This depression is not so much clinical as it is a feeling.  At these times I used to look at the past and all that I used to have, the good times, the success, the recognition, the purpose in life.  Or I look to the future with anxiety or fear, a sense of nothing much to look forward to.  But then I have come to realize that in my situation, this feeling is a part of life that happens.  Plus, the God I seek does not live in the past or the future, but only the now moment, and loves me, regardless of what I feel.  This helps to ground me in the present moment.  I am loved regardless of the feeling I may have.  I can be of service to the community in some small way at the moment.  Clean something up.  And then I eat a piece of chocolate.  Love!