Intimacy

 I was feeling very intimate with God one day, and someone came up to me and said, "I feel so intimate with God in my prayer life."  Well!  I did not let on but in my heart I said, "Phooey to that!"  I want singular intimacy.  Is not that the nature of intimacy?  I don't want to be part of a herd of intimates.  If I am in love with a person, I don't want to know they love me and everyone else in their life equally.  My problem is that I cannot share, because my god is not big enough.  Thus, I worship and love a small idol.  Pathetic?  OK.  But what to do?  Laugh at myself.  Then be honest with God rather than put God on my resentment list.  I have a big ego and am selfish with love.  Actually, a miser.  Then let God take over.  Turn it over to God.  I was never good at fixing myself.