The Motive

 Do you want to be a better person or do you just want to look good?  In other words, what is the motive behind the motive, as someone suggested to me.  So I try to examine my actions more now.  Why am I doing this so-called good deed?  If I simply want to be noticed in a way that gets compliments, or that makes people like me, then the motive has nothing to do with becoming a better person.  If I meditate in silence or solitude, take a nature walk alone, clean up when no one is around to notice, then I am doing it to become a better person.  All these good actions are about anonymity.  No one notices or gives praise.  I am more consistent if I focus on becoming a better person rather than trying to impress you so that you will like me.  It used to be easier to be consistently phony, but now it is too much work and drags me down.