Into The Boat

Prayer of silence and stillness is a bit like getting into a boat with Jesus. I am attracted to spending some time with God, but when I get into the boat, all kinds of stormy thoughts and feelings come to mind. I think about the past and future. I get worried or anxious. It is like being in a boat when there is a storm, and I feel like I am being tossed about in my mess. I cannot seem to find the God that I thought was with me when I entered into prayer. Where is this Holy Peace and Calm?

As in the Gospel, God is with me, but asleep, so to speak. That is, God is comfortable with being with me in all my stormy thoughts and feelings. "Oh ye of little faith," applies to me. I realize how little faith I have, faith that is really operative in my life. Oh sure, I believe in the existence of God, but when the storms of life come, that faith does not seem to serve me well.

Sit in the silence and stormy stillness. Wait. God is with me, and will calm me in God's good time. Maybe I am left in this agitated state of prayer, to bring me to some humility, or to realize my need for God in my lack of faith. God has not abandoned me. It sometimes only feels that way. But at least I got into the boat. Did you this day?