Malnutrition

I tend to suffer from Malnutrition of the Soul. This is when I feed my soul with nothing but the food of my thoughts.  And my thoughts are always about me.  Even if I think someone else is at the center of the thought it is always in relation to me and my wants or lack thereof.  So how do I feed my soul? Evagrius Ponticus says that prayer is the absence of thoughts, or at least the absence of focused thoughts filling my head.  A prayer without focused thoughts is called “contemplation.”  I cannot make contemplation happen in prayer, but I can practice letting thoughts become peripheral to my prayer.  Let them be background and maybe they will even disappear from my notice.  So I practice entering into silence which as I said in an earlier blog, is always with me.  This prayer is a lot more work than the easier “gimme” prayers in this time of Covid-19.  You can die from malnutrition of the soul.  The vaccine is deep meditation.