The Tides

My faults, addictive behaviors, bad habits, shortcomings, are like the tides of the sea. For awhile everything lies low, like the tide when it is way off shore. I feel at peace, connected with the Presence of God. I am optimistic that bad behavior, resentments, whining, self-pity are all behind me. I am becoming "holy."

Then the tide comes in, crashing against the shores of my soul, thoughts, feelings, and whole body. I am in tumultuous temptation, or suddenly in the midst of a jag of bad thinking or behavior. I am "damned," to misery, hopelessly caught in my mess, in sin.

Despair? The gospel says, "no." Jesus walks on the water of tumult. Jesus is in the storm. But he is calm, at peace, while I am battered by it all. He is with me, but not overcome by all my disquieting energy. Can I but focus on him for a few moments, the sea may very well calm. The urge to take his hand in all the tumult may pass quickly, but if I go against the tide and "be" with him for few moments, in spite of other urges, feelings, the storm seems to quiet. It is a grace. You might try it sometime.