The Puzzle

At some point in my life I realized that I had become a puzzle.  Not a puzzle as in something to figure out, but a puzzle as in pieces that I tried to fit together to make a presentable and "whole" picture of me for others to see.  Each piece of me came from some experience, place, relationship and I worked to put them together to try and make sense of my life as well as to look like a "whole" to the world.  But I was more "hole" than "whole."  This is what happens when popular culture, or group think forms the pieces of our life, or my life at least.  The clothes, hair style, popular places to hang out, the right job, car, town to live in, so much stuff and things, all were pieces.  I was where so many people wanted to be and doing what many wanted to do, job and lifestyle, but the enticing puzzle picture was not me.  Becoming a puzzle is nots o bad if it leads you to finding out it is not you.  Then what?  I started to take safe risks, doing something new and different.  But I was building another puzzle, a more me puzzle, but still a puzzle of this and that.  To leave San Francisco and the Cow Hollow neighborhood in which I lived, for a seminary in D.C. was a safe risk. One does not change overnight, or at least not this one.  Eventually, I realized I had to stop trying to fit pieces together to make the "new ME."  I began to let go of the controls.  I let go of looking good, being important, making sense of my life.  So here I am, a work in progress.  Are you a puzzle all put together or still building?  It may be necessary for now, people relying on you and all, but know that it is not really all there is.  We are never too old or too young to stop making the puzzle and let in a Love beyond all understanding.