Letting Go

I come to the monastery. There are certain things I know that I will give up when I come here. I give up half and half cream in my coffee, Thomas' English muffins, a good nights sleep, The New York Times, and much else. I know this when I come here. I say to myself, "See, I am detached. I am letting go."

Yes, on one level I am letting go of some things as long as I give my consent beforehand. But once I get to the monastery, there are unplanned and unexpected situations to challenge me to let go on a deeper level. These are much harder to deal with. They are the unexpected things that interrupt my daily plans and routines by which I thought I was to grow in holiness. People and situations are daily interfering with my schedule. The limitations of my own body interrupt my schedule.

It is hard for me to give up something, to be detached, to surrender, unless I plan ahead. Holiness is not a planned program. My business each day is to get ready for anything that might interrupt my plans, and to submit to God's will in everything. I cannot control the weather, other people, my own physical weakness, deer flies and power outages, to name a few happenings in the monastery. To let go of my will in unexpected situations is to truly move beyond the egocentricity of life.