Monsters

I was awakened in the middle of the night by the fear that a monster man was trying to get into my room through the door. He was roaring. I tried to scream but was so frightened that I could make no sound. This is not a nightmare though it seems to be such. It is rather part of the process of the contemplative life. In stillness and silence, paying no attention to thoughts, we allow the unconscious to begin to move into consciousness. My awakening in the middle of the night was part of this process.

The monster has been within me, energizing me in dysfunctional directions of energy to try to avoid the monster. Security, control, power, busyness, are some of the ways that I avoid the monster. But the prayer gave me a further insight. Why not just open the door and invite the monster into the room. I did. When he saw this unexpected response, he looked so pathetic, so deflated. His whole power was in engendering fear into me so that I would dissemble and act contrary to what gives me life and connects me to the Spirit within.

Now, I must make sure that I do not become the monster in my actions with others. Do not try to control others, use power trips, or just plain old roar at them. My interior prayer will help me in my day to day activities with others. The prayer does not end with the sitting or the lectio. The work continues with what is eventually revealed. A little fright in the middle of the night in my bed is better than walking around and acting out a fear based life all day long. Would you not agree? No roaring!