Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Walking With Maureen

One day I was walking with my big sister, Maureen, and I asked her, "Maureen, why do you have such a long face when you walk with me?"  She sighed, and answered, "Because you are a mess of a boy and someday, I will have to marry one of your kind."  "What mess, am I?" I queried.  "Well, for one, you pick your noose.  And you put on clothes that don't match.  You cannot put a straight part into your hair, and you only brush your teeth when I tell you," she replied, exasperated.  "Do you think maybe I will get better when I grow up?" I asked, hopefully.  "Probably not," she retorted.  "But since you will grow up to be good looking like daddy, some girl will be fooled, as we all are, and marry you, much to her misfortune."  Maureen was not finished.  "So why not become a priest?  They don't get married.  You can keep all your bad habits.  Plus you only wear black, so you won't have to worry about color coordination."  "Don't I have to be holy to be a priest?" I asked.  "That does not seem to be in evidence in our parish, so don't worry about it.  You say mass with your back to the people so you can pick your noose and no one will notice.  I would never go to communion to you though."  "But Jesus would remove all germs on the host," I countered.  "Jesus removes sins, not germs," Maureen corrected me.  Years later, at my ordination, Maureen received Holy Communion from me.  She had a smile on her face.  Later, I asked her if she was smiling because I had gotten over bad habits.  "No," she said.  "I smiled because you spared some woman from marrying you.  And I brought handy wipes."  Then she broke out into a big, hearty laugh.  Now you know why my big sister had to go to purgatory.

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