Staying

I ask myself why I stay in the Catholic Church.  Organizationally and publicly things are not going too well for us.  But I am a guy who likes my flesh to be touched.  I like hugs from friends. Hugs touch my flesh.  Holy Communion touches my flesh.  I put the host in my mouth and eat it.  For me, I am connecting to God when I do this, and it is in flesh.  I like the idea, for me, of touching God.  Maybe God likes touching me too.  Anyhow, God is supposed to be in the host.  I don't really ask the question, "Why stay?"  I ask, "What holds me."  The whys are so much mental efforts, and I was never a Catholic because of organizational structure or even theology, beyond the sacramental touching.  I am a flesh-feeling Catholic I guess.  When I visit the sick I don't just ask "How are you doing?" or talk about this and that.  I touch them with my hands, with oil.  This is the Catholic part I like best.  I could be close to God by reading the bible and many people do that, but the book does not touch me in the flesh.  Many times, when I receive communion I like to sit down and feel, not just think, "Wow, what just happened!"  God at work.