Adolescent

 At times I am like an old body with a teenager inside of it, acting out.  The behavior can come out as a mix of fear and arrogance.  Behind all this is a feeling of being alone as in lonely, disconnected from those with whom I am arrogant.  The people around me are not making me happy.  They are not doing their job.  Lest I get too far down this messy road, I try to find ways to connect, to feel "part of."  When I feel part of the monastery, I am at peace, one among others, compassionate, listening.  When disconnected, I am opinionated, judgmental, and "off doing my own thing."  I prefer to act my age, but it can be work and needs a constant program of spiritual renewal.